Muse for Valentine's Day

The winner of the writing contest, Bree Klaja, inspired this special Valentine’s Day blog. 

Thanks to all of the individuals who responded to the questions. Your feedback is monumental in inspiring me to continue my writing journey. 

Bree was selected because there was one universal theme in her response that I found to be very inspiring: not taking love for granted. Bree, thank you for being my muse for this blog, and I am sure that you and your boyfriend will enjoy the wonderful picnic basket and floral arrangement.

There are moments in life when the realities of love come to surface. Some call it sacrifice, compromise, and even giving up something for the one that you love. However, there is a certain level of trust and dedication that is earned when one decides to not put their needs first. Bree’s first response illustrates this perfectly.

"My boyfriend of a year gave me a dose of reality when he refused to let me give up on my dreams. He knew I would be the best that I can be if I worked hard. We love to support one another and it works. I felt so passionate about my work and my relationship from then on.”

I have heard from many clients and friends that experience this same type of inspiration on a daily basis and it can be overwhelming. Of course, it is amazing, but the sacrifices of love, at times, can be alarming. It is alarming because, how do we know if the love that we are giving in return is adequately feeding the love language of our partner?  Or, is their love language adequately sustaining you? Of course, we can simply ask that question. But, it is in our human nature to wonder in what ways does this give and take play itself out in any relationship. I do believe it is constant battle of wits that we have with ourselves. So, please be careful.

Bree’s response to this sentiment is the following: “A good relationship feels and looks like exactly what you make of it.  Mine looks like laughter. We laugh ALL OF THE TIME. It honestly gets us by most days. We could argue, but his "mad face" makes me laugh. And, he responds with laughter when he sees my facial expression change to frustration. This keeps us grounded in our communication. It is our little signal that reminds us to have a loving conversation. The end result is that our communication feels incredible and fun all at the same time.”

Finding your own balance in light of responding to the complexities that are revealed in your relationships is essential. What I like about Bree’s response the most is that their reaction with laughter does not allow them to be controlled by their emotion in the heat of an argument. No matter what the situation, try to let laughter or at least some love into your spirit if not for the other person for yourself.

Over time, I have coined the phrase “reciprocation quota” to define what couples really need from one another. Maybe I will share the formula in the future, but this blog is about Bree. It is important for couples and singles to know what their boundaries are for giving and receiving anything emotional and tangible in a relationship. The more positively engaged one feels about their partner’s level of reciprocation the more apt they are to show love. 

Here is an example of how Bree sees her reciprocation of love in their relationship.  Bree states, “I show love and appreciation in many ways. I can't cook that well, but I cook for him. He grills, and his cooking is phenomenal. He enjoys my culinary attempts and really likes the dishes most of the time. I know we love each other by taking the time to show affection by cooking for one another. In addition, I give him just because kisses. I think it really shows my passion for us. I also randomly tell him how great of a person he is. Spontaneous acts of kindness go a long way in a relationship.”

When I reread through Bree’s responses, I see that communicating effectively and lovingly is what they have chosen to make a priority. Yes, we can complain about this or that in our relationship, but what do we actively seek to change/improve within ourselves to make a difference? 

Congratulations Bree! Now, I am off to plan the most memorable picnic for you and your beloved. Before I depart from my fabulous readers, I leave you with these words by G. K. Chesterton for Valentine’s Day: “When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.”

For more love insight and info about ways to make your love language sizzle, visit www.designingloveinc.com or email neal@designingloveinc.com.