Swissvale Resident Counsels Abusive Men Toward Compassionate Communication

was one of just a handful of people across the nation in the 1970s who began to offer counseling to abusive men during a time when there were almost no services offered at all.

“The very first group we had set up, we had 11 guys who said, ‘Yes, I am going to be there and this is exactly what I am looking for,’” Russell of Swissvale said. “Nobody showed up the first time.”

The second time, a new group of 11 men were signed up to come together and address their issues with abuse. For a second time, no one came.

“We finally said, 'Let’s try once more,' and we finally got a group off the ground and that was in '78 or '79 and it grew, and we started a program in Wilkinsburg called the 'Second Step' program,” Russell said.

Russell has now been working as a counselor and facilitator with a population of abusive men who have hurt partners physically, emotionally, mentally or otherwise for the last 30 years.

“I think we saw that it was not only an under-served population, but it was a population not being served at all,” Russell said.

His journey in this line of work began almost 30 years ago while he was employed at . His fellow coworker had experienced two women, one who was a close friend, who had been beaten by their partners in just a matter of weeks. After referring both of the women to shelters for help, the two men decided to take action.

“We thought a real need is for men’s groups and men who are abusive because they just don’t have any place to go,” Russell said. “There weren’t judges willing to order men to counseling because there were no programs for them.”

After being a part of the Second Step program for about 10 years, Russell went into private practice in about 20 years ago.

He said he wants to work with people to create a new definition of abuse—one that is defined as any behavior whatsoever that damages another person.

Over the years, he has started many discussions surrounding the theme of the “unearned privilege” that some men have been brought up to believe comes with simply being born male.

“In sessions, we would always have a theme and over time, those themes were based on commonalities between the men that were abusive,” Russell said. “Almost across the board, it was an inability to value and identify emotions and to have an emotional vocabulary to express themselves, in any way other than through violence. Much of the abuse doesn’t come out of frustration, it comes out of a need to control the other person.”

Even if the woman the men were abusive to did positive things, he used that as an excuse for violence, Russell said. He didn’t necessarily use conflict as an excuse, but he turned anything she did into a confrontation of his authority.

“Even if she was complimentary to him, he would use it as an excuse to be abusive because he wasn’t in charge of her being nice to him,” he said.

“Balancing my need for closeness and distance” has also been a popular theme during Russell’s sessions.

“They would say it to themselves and the discussion would start with, 'What comes up for you when you say that? What does it mean to you?'" he said.

During other sessions, men write a letter to their fathers saying anything they would like to say. Then, they write a letter to themselves from their fathers, which would say everything they wish their fathers had said to them.

Russell said he is one of the few people who has not burnt out on the emotional line of work because it’s what he does best, and it’s what he has been able to commit to most on life.

For more information, e-mail dmdixierussell@aol.com.