Does your heart skip a beat? Do you feel your pulse quicken? How many times do you feel butterflies in your stomach? Or, is your love the silent yet strong emotional type with minimal reactions? We all have a different love language that responds to our internal chemistry of passion. For some, it is like the flickering of a flame and for others it is like the consuming fire of the Phoenix. First of all, I am not here to tell you that your temperature gauge is off. As long as your love temperature is not an absolute zero, there is passion within you to test how you view intimacy. I am writing to prompt you to reevaluate from time to time how and what influences you in light of romance in your life. Now, let our journey begin.
Our upbringing to some degree has shaped how love looks and feels in our life. In addition to your childhood to adulthood array of experiences, we throw in your personal “love” experiences, perceptions of people, and what you find attractive in an individual and the result is the love thermometer from which we start to measure one’s sense of attraction to another. For the purpose of this blog, I have developed a “Love Meter Survey.” With this survey, we will measure your love thermometer. It gauges how much you are into your partner. Therefore, the higher the meter reading is the stronger your love for your partner. Passionate love scores very high. A more companionable love can be determined from a lower reading. If the meter’s too low, that means you’d better beware because someone’s just too cool for the relationship to last. I encourage you to read these questions alone or together with the love of your life and rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10. One being the lowest barometer signifying there is work to be done and 10 being the highest level signifying that you are in the red zone (in a good way) for love.
1.) Communication. How much do we feel our partner is available and interested in hearing us? How much are we disclosing to each other about everyday events? Is there any issue that we are aware of avoiding discussing? How do we deal with conflict resolution together? Are we harboring any resentment that needs to be expressed? And what might we like from our partner that would facilitate more open dialogue?
2.) Intimacy. Are we satisfied with our level of intimacy? Is there enough physical affection being shared? Are we happy with the level of our interpersonal relationship? Do we express appreciation and compliments to each other? And, are we spending enough time together to enhance our sense of intimacy?
3.) Finances. On a constant basis, how are we doing with handling our individual and shared finances? Are we communicating periodically on any strains around money that could affect our relationship? Can we talk openly about credit card bills, extending beyond budgets, borrowing and saving? Are we on the same page with regard to managing our financial life?
4.) Family & Friends Relationships. How are we doing with family members and friends? Are children getting sufficient attention from both of us? Are friends, parents, in-laws and other relatives bringing us closer or perhaps pushing us apart? Is there anything being avoided in dealing with friends and family that needs to be attended to? Have we expressed appreciation to these people who matter to us?
In addressing each of these areas, you’re doing a quick inventory aimed at tuning into areas that may need further attention. And, in doing so, you’re taking your temperature to ensure that the love you find in your life has much more to offer than just a mere passing obligation of being comfortable with you. At the end of the day, passion is a formidable force. In some ways, it always wins. In the words of Honore de Balzac, “The fact is that love is of two kinds, one which commands, and one which obeys. The two are quite distinct, and the passion to which the one gives rise is not the passion of the other.”
We are part event planner extraordinaire, part concierge par excellence. Total love guru. That’s Designing Love, Inc and me.
Let Neal Holmes of Designing Love, Inc. be your Business Partner in Love! Designing Love, Inc. is expanding our office to Memphis, TN in August. So, in the spirit of Southern love, we need you to tell all of y’all friends to check us out. However, don’t fret, Pittsburgh is still our home base to help you celebrate, maintain, and find love.