Moms Talk: Lost in Translation

Our Moms Council addresses your concerns about parenting, motherhood, teenage and toddler troubles and anything in between.

Join the conversation! We want to hear your thoughts, so drop them in the comment box below. Our questioning readers will appreciate your help.

This week, our Moms Council answered this question:

My daughter is 11-years-old and often has friends over to our house. One particular day, she had her friend over (who is Spanish) and my husband and son got into a little fight, ending up raises their voices and both throwing tantrums. The girl happened to be on the phone with her mother at the time (who doesn't speak English) and her mother heard the shouting. 

My daughter's friend is no longer allowed over to our house, nor is she allowed to play with my daughter. I feel awful! My little girl likes hanging out with this friend very much, and I don't know what to do to convince the mother that the fight was harmless, and that her daughter is safe in our home. 

With the language barrier and the sensitive nature of the situation, I don't know what to do! 

Any advice?

Moms Council member Hillary Garvey had this to say:

Depending on how bad the yelling match was, you might have to really do some convincing. It’s nerve wracking leaving your children at others’ homes, especially if you have no way of communicating with the other caregivers.

I would suggest, if there’s no way of speaking with the mother directly, being around her at public events. Try and attend a school meeting she’ll be at or the local pool. She can witness you and your daughter and family together, and see that there is nothing to be worried about.

Or, if you’d like, use some sort of free translator—while they may not be the most accurate, you could get the general gist of your apology down on paper (or in an email) and communicate with her that way. 

Moms Council member Judith Reymond had a different opinion:

I think that you’ll have to wait this one out. When a mother is not comfortable leaving her child with someone (as you very well know), it’s going to be a bit before they do.

And, if your daughter’s friend has done nothing to reassure her mother that it’s safe at your home and she’d like to return, perhaps it’s because the daughter feels uneasy at the house, but is too uncomfortable to say anything to your daughter.

It could also be that she’s nervous to approach her mother about the situation. But, in my opinion, they both probably just need some time.

Furthermore, you should definitely have your husband apologize to the girl's mother (if and when you should see her again), because he is responsible for her worries. Have a discussion with him and your son about not raising their voices like that while your daughter has company over, because whether English is your second language or not, no one feels comfortable around those kinds of personal, family arguments.

So, let it ride. Should you find a way to speak with the woman, you and your husband should definitely say ‘Lo Siento!’

Have questions? We have answers! Please submit all queries to beauchamp.sarah1@gmail.com. Our Moms Council is Yoda-wise, so ask away!